Dear Ruth Carmela Zamielle 5

16 July 2016

Dear Ruth Carmela Zamielle,

I wanted to write to you in Filipino or Tagalog on your 5th birthday but I think you're not yet prepared to twist your tongue. Just let your daddy do the tongue-twisting exercise then. I'll try my best to write in English despite my limited vocabulary. I must admit you now know more words than I did when I was your age. I am often amused when you suddenly blurt out words like squeezshy and slimy or say 'I am bored', 'I am disappointed'...I am glad you can now clearly express yourself-faster than we expected you to be able to. I can't hide my amusement whenever you remind us how to behave as adults, as parents. I was caught spot on when you told us "Daddy, the phone is not your family". I almost dropped my jaw and my phone when you suddenly confronted us when we were not paying attention to you.  Do you remember telling your Mamita "It's ok Mom. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes". I must say you make us realize what parenting should be about- time, commitment and patience.

Just recently, I was dumbfounded when I asked you if you were having any difficulty with your schedule and you told me "I can handle it, Daddy. Don't worry about it". While I was glad that you are actually enjoying your classes and the extra-curricular activities, I am also saddened upon realizing that very soon, you will stop deferring to us for approval. Very soon, you will have your own will and you will want your own independence and freedom. You will have more and more friends whom you would prefer to hold hands with, whom you would want to hug and share stories with, and whom you want to spend more time with. I dread that day when you'd rather go out with them, travel to different places and explore the world instead of me and your Mom. You should have known how I felt the first time you told us you already had a crush. You could say cat got my tongue for a moment.

I know I should be happy that you are growing fast, healthy and smart- what else could a father wish for. I know I should be excited that in no time, you can fend for yourself, make decisions alone and live a life. I must admit I am both anxious and eager for you to grow up. As your Dad, I can't help but be worried and excited about your future. Life is difficult but it is beautiful to say the least. Dangers are everywhere and yet, the world is such a beautiful place to live in. I worry about your safety everyday as I worry about you mommy's. Yet I know my worries shouldn't  hinder you from discovering the world. I am sure my parents, and your mommy's parents felt the same way when we were your age.But somehow they managed to outlive their fears and anxieties about us. I should feel the same way for you. As your parents, your Mommy and I will worry about you every single day but it won't stop us from letting you see the beauty of the world, face daily challenges, and live life to the fullest.

I wish there's a better way to say Happy Birthday to you Ruthie- our one and only baby. I wish there's a sweeter way to say how much we love you. But did you know what everyday of the last five years is like your birthday for us? We thank God everyday for giving you to us. You are the biggest blessing we ever had. As you grow up, I hope and pray that you would feel the same way towards us-me, your Mom, Tita Mommy, Mamita, Daddy Lo, Lolo Sam and Lola Lyn and the entire family. As such we will try everyday to be a blessing to you. It is my fervent wish that you would grow up knowing, loving and fearing the Lord. It is my hope that you would live a life devoid of hardship and misery,  surrounded by people who reciprocate your love, and full of God's blessings you can enjoy and share to others.

Happy Birthday, Anak. We love you.

Love,

Daddy

From Me to You

26 June 2016

Dear Love,

I won't let our sixth year together pass without writing you a note to thank you for spending the last 12 months and the past six years with me. Yes, it's been six years since we've exchanged our vows and you could really say 'how time flies'. Six years ago, it was just the two of us- not against the world, but as one of the millions of couples who wanted to continue the tradition of love by accepting each other as partners for life. Now, we have the most beautiful baby in the world with us as a testament of our love, as a constant reminder of God's endless love. I couldn't ask for more from the Lord but his continued guidance and protection for our family.

I'm sure you will agree with me that everyday of our married life is a challenge for both of us. A challenge that I'm more than willing to take so that we could live the rest of our lives together. We fight, we make up, we fight again and we make up again. Sometimes it gets the better of us but I am glad that after 72 months, we are still firmly standing side by side. There have been lots of challenges lately. There have been a lot of problems cast our way, a lot of obstacles towards our dream. Sometimes I falter, sometimes you fall, sometime we stumble together. Amidst all of these hindrances, I can't help but thank the Lord that we are on the same team, the same boat, the same direction. Even though we paddle with different rhythm at times, I'm happy we still face the waves together. Thank you. I may be a Captain, and the captain of the boat but you, my Love, is my compass,  and most of the time, the wind that blows on the sail.

Thank you for Ruthie. She's growing up really fast that sometimes, I wish she'd just stay still- small enough to fit my arms, light enough so I can carry her all the time on my shoulders. Soon she will outgrow us. As her father, it's my ardent wish she'd grow up with the same values We learned from our elders, the values We hold on to. Therefore, I commit myself to you and to her- to be your guide, protector, provider, and best friend.  Thank you for bringing her up prepared for the world, ready and equipped to face whatever comes her way. I'm sorry for not agreeing with you all the time, but I hope you notice that at the end of the day, I still let you win. I hope you let me win once in a while too. It feels good to win right?

Today is one of the many days I'd let you win without a fight. I concede that today is your day hence you are the boss according to Ruth. We will do what you want to do and go where you want to go. I'll convince Ruthie to give you a great day which means we are under your control. We will try not to give you a lot of headaches. Instead, we will try to give you more reasons to smile and be thankful for all your blessings.

Thank you for the last six years. One more year and we would've crossed the 7th year mark (which I don't really believe in). Thank you for everything. I'm once again looking forward to the many adventures we will have together. I'm looking forward to another year of long drives and cheap thrills, museums, old houses, beaches and what-have-you. Let's do. Let's go. And please do remember The Kevin Bacon Rule okay?

Happy Anniversary. I love you.

Jim

Reflection: My Life as a Filipino Soldier 2

Sometime in November 2008, we received a shocking news. A security patrol somewhere south was waylaid by members of the New People's Army and several soldiers were killed. It was also reported that the patrol Team Leader was captured by the rebel- bandits and was being held in the jungles of Agusan- Compostela Valley area. We have been expecting to be deployed in the Basilan- Jolo area because at that time, there were also intense fighting between government troops and the terrorist Abu Sayaff Group and other lawless elements. A class of Scout Ranger Students have just been deployed ahead of us. Unfortunately, the C130 that shipped them and was supposed to lift us, crashed on its way back to Manila shortly after taking off. The remains of the plane and the bodies of the crew (some of them fellow Aer’s were buried deep in the belly of the sea. They served their country well.

We arrived at Davao Airport safely via another C130.  I was met by a familiar face- my squad mate Lt Jojo Baya who was then with the Philippine Air Force Special Operations Wing while waiting for his turn to undergo flying school training. He hastily prepared a sumptuous boodlefight of our favorite pancit canton and scrambled eggs for me and Omar, and invited one of our favorite yearlings- Matiti. (Sadly, Jojo died in a vehicular accident while he was enjoying a furlough in his hometown. He was confined at V Luna for a couple of weeks but eventually succumbed to his injuries. May God Bless his soul.)

From there, we went through several mission briefings and  planning sessions. Most of  us were new in the area and we were unfamiliar with the terrain. Mountains and jungles may look the same from afar but once you're inside them, they're altogether different. Mastery of the terrain is paramount to every operation and more often than not, it spells the difference in the outcome of a mission. Every good and seasoned soldier knows that there are several things that must be considered whenever planning for a mission. These are People, Weather, Enemy, Terrain which amusingly goes by the acronym PWET. We were told to always be conscious of your PWET. (In Tagalog, pwet refers to a person's behind). We also analyze the METTT-C or Mission, Enemy, Time, Terrain,Troops and Community. 

Whatever the acronyms are, these basically tell us to carefully take into consideration these factors when doing detailed mission analysis. We have to familiarize ourselves with the people's socio- cultural and socio-economic conditions. We have to factor in the political and legal aspects and of course, we have to consider their sentiments towards us and the enemy. People in rebel- influenced areas would usually behave with contempt and hostility against government forces while those with a lesser degree of influence would exhibit openness and warmth. There are also those areas that are considered rebel strongholds but whose people will give you warm treatment- sometimes even too warm and accommodating than normal because they're hiding or protecting the rebels. These are red flags that combat leaders must be able to read early or else the troops would be jeopardized. 

We didn't stay long in Davao City. As such I never got to roam around the fabled city that is home to Kadayawan Festival. We were immediately shuttled to our mission area by our trusty and rusty M35 trucks. The newer KM 250 and KM 450 troop carriers were not yet introduced that time. I'm sure we were all anxious and nervous heading towards known enemy lairs.. Some of us have already had prior experiences in combat while others were practically neophytes when it comes to actual combat operations especially those from the Police and the Air Force. Except for the occasional banter and usual jokes, we were all silent. Our voices drowned amidst the rumbling sound of the truck engines. I was silently praying in between short conversations. I was nervous as well. It was a test mission after all-our final test, the culmination of almost a year of training. Whether we graduate from the course or not entirely depended on us, or more precisely, whether we come out alive or not. So there I was, side by side with soldiers as anxious and at the same time as hungry for glory and as eager to graduate. I was confident I had the best training and I was thoroughly prepared. I was ready to face whoever and whatever kind of enemy would come our way. I promised myself I'll fight to the teeth should it come to such and I would never back down. I was clutching my beloved M16 rifle which I had fired hundreds of times before.. On my chest were 12 steel magazines fully loaded with 5.56mm rounds. My combat pack had all the necessary supplies I would need in the jungle for at least a week until the nest resupply-food, water, spare clothes, hammock and personal items. It weighed around 18-20 kilograms.I was ready. We were ready for action, for the hunt. When we neared the designated drop off point, my heart was beating so fast I could almost hear it. But I maintained my cool and calm. This was what I wanted. This was what I came for.

It was just beginning.

Recollection and Reflection: My Life as a Filipino Soldier

In 2008, I was one of a select few soldiers who tried their luck in the Special Forces Operations Course. I can't remember how many of us started the course and how many actually graduated. I recall there were more than a hundred of us who volunteered to undergo the Special Forces Assessment and Selection (SFAS) as a prerequisite to join the SFOC. SFAS was a month- long program which consisted of several activities to determine whether a prospective candidate is physically and mentally suited to undergo a rigorous ten- month training. We were tested in advance day and night map reading and land navigation, long foot marches with 45-pound ruck sacks and full battle gear, individual and team activities and of course, the physical fitness tests. Unlike regular PFTs that soldiers undergo which consist of only three events-3.2-km run, push up and sit up, those who undergo specialized trainings such as the scout ranger course and SF Operations Course have to pass other events such as pull ups, inverted crawl, sit and reach and standing long jump. After a month, only about 80% of those who volunteered qualified for the regular Course.. Others were just too tired or burnt out to battle ten more months of hardship.

The regular course started with the traditional reception which of course is not a lunch or dinner of sumptuous food and drinks but a day- long serving of army dozens, road runs, log rolls, helicopters, Indian bows and many others which would definitely bring out the best and worst in a student/trainee. Our reception started at about one o’clock of a hot summer afternoon of 2008. Every trainee- whether an officer or enlisted personnel goes through the reception which formally signals the start of the training. As this is an anticipated activity, each soldier prepares himself physically and mentally to last and remain standing at the end of the day otherwise he would blow his chance of getting the much coveted SF TAB. 

I've had several receptions as a soldier. The first was when we were received as plebes or first year cadets of the PMA in 2002. The next was during our Scout Ranger Orientation Course in 2004 at Camp Tecson in San Miguel, Bulacan. Another one came during our basic officer course. The degree of difficulty of a reception actually varies depending on the course or training you take but one thing is sure. You can never be too prepared for any reception day. It always ends with your tongue out of your mouth- gasping for breath and thinking why the hell were you there in the first place. And there's also the reception given when a soldier reports to his new assignment or unit which is often the most memorable.

I guess during that time all of us were really determined to hurdle the course. I don't recall anybody washing out during the first day. After that, our journey as members of SFOC Class 118- 08 officially begun. This means that we were the 118th batch since the Special Forces started training soldiers as part of this elite organization.. 08 is short for 2008, the year that the course was held. 

To be continued…

To the World, You are A Mother...

08 May 2016

Love,

When I was small, mama told me that a mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.

This year’s Mother’s Day reminds me of the many sacrifices that you have made for this family, for our family.  Sometimes you lament on how you can no longer buy the things you want because Ruth’s needs come first. I have seen you lust over some things- bags, shoes, jewelries and all the girl stuff but backed out for her ballet, swimming, writing, tutor, ramen, playdate, toys and other requests and demands. I’ve witnessed how you’ve set aside the things you dreamed of or aspire for to give way to my own ambitions. I’ve seen you go out of your comfort zone, leave behind what you’ve been used to, let go of things dear to you just to be with me, to be with us and build a family. I’ve seen you cry in frustration over unfulfilled promises, unmet obligations, unsettled issues and failed expectations. Sometimes you get disappointed when things just don’t go your way, or when Ruthie and I get into your nerves. And of course there were also lots of instances when I also lost my cool and allowed circumstances to overwhelm me. And for that I ask for your forgiveness. I’m sorry for not letting you win all the time. I’m sorry for being lousy, moody, angry, bossy and all the –y’s. Human as we are, we get hurt, frustrated, and angry. But know this: In all those times when it seemed we were on the brink of collapse and in danger of breaking up, I never lost faith in you, in us. I never for once entertained the thought of being away and walking out on us. I just hope you had the same sentiment, too.

There have been a lot of times when we fought like we were on the brink of giving up on each other. Our arguments were bad and unreasonable. Our words were not palatable at all and our actions were beyond acceptable. Indeed we have been through a lot of tough and rough times. It’s a shame that there were even occasions when our baby witnessed our transgressions. Let me just tell you that in spite of the many fights that we have had, I never, even for a minute stopped loving you.

This mother’s day let me once again extol you for doing all you can and giving your best to us. Thank you for being a supermom to Ruth and a superwife to me. I know I am sometimes more childish than her which makes your job as a mother more difficult. And for that, I owe you forever’s worth of tender and loving care. You may get tired, annoyed, disappointed, irritated, angry, frustrated and disillusioned at times but I hope you will never give up on us. You are our only hope, our most comfortable place, our only sanctuary. You are what makes the family glued together so please be strong and keep holding on. You are a good mother, the best in your own right, the best in our eyes.

Remember, God could not be everywhere, and He can’t be around Ruthie and Me all the time so he gave someone named Mary Pauline to us.

Happy Mother’s Day. May you keep growing in God’s mercy and love. We love you.